This is undoubtedly the most unusual device we've seen. It is not
a head cleaner or player-related cleaning device as might be
expected. No, this little baby actually CLEANS THE TAPE IN AN
8-TRACK CARTRIDGE!! Most of us sitting around Plastikville's
R&D department were all but overcome by fear and skepticism
over what this extraterrestrial contraption might do. Some were
simply befuddled by its very existence, while others nearly gave
in to their destructive tendencies. The ludicrous premise of this
device (to clean the entire length of a tape within a cartridge!)
presented a most intriguing challenge. The idea that "grime
and foreign matter" would be cleaned off the tape to ensure
"maximum fidelity" brought out the obsessive,
tight-sphinctered audiophile in us all. Accordingly, we proceeded
to test Realistic's claims.
Bob Schaeffer elaborates:
" To operate the cleaner, we inserted a cartridge into a slot at the back end of the unit. For this we dug out an old vomit-encrusted copy of Never Mind the Bullocks, Here's the Sex Pistols which retained puke from a party given in 1978. We then took this entire contraption and shoved it into a player. The player acts as the driver for the tape in the cartridge. What happened then was that the tape was dragged over a small head with a piece of cleaning tape over it. The idea, remember, was to clean flith off the tape itself. What actually happened however, was a process of destruction. First, by "cleaning" the tape with an abrasive polyester strip, small amounts of the magnetic oxide particles were worn away from the tape, deteriorating its sound quality. Second, the lubricant routinely coated onto all 8-track tape, allowing for the smooth transport within the tape loop, was removed from one side of the tape. Ultimately, this will interfere with proper transport within the mechanism, causing jamming, stretching, and seizing, and will eventually render the tape unplayable."
To be blunt, we were astounded by the attempt to bilk -- by sleazy legerdemain and transparent misrepresentation -- gullible consumers for the $10 this thing originally cost. This is a completely unnecessary product (audio tape is almost never cleaned -- even by professionals), and if anyone were to actually use this contrivance they would ruin their tapes. This product is good for one thing: as an artifact of greed -- an example of how the consumer is routinely swindled.
Bob Schaeffer:
"This thing is way out! Never in my 35 years in the recording business have I been so disturbed by a thingamujig like this! If you see this abortion at a garage sale or flea market, just keep walking, don't waste your 25¢ -- buy an 8-track or a corndog instead!"